Amen. Hallelujah!

Deception crowded in. Lies filled my head and I couldn't shake them for anything.

I cried tears I didn't know I had and sobbed more than I knew I could.

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." - Psalm 34:4

I can't tell you how hard this week was. There aren't words to describe it. But I can tell you that His grace and mercy is still alive and well! HE IS STILL WORKING.

Are we looking for Him?

I read His Word more than anything else this week. Funny thing is I don't miss not reading the 20 different blogs I follow or the 10 "need to read" books I have sitting in my room. I don't miss them because they never have brought me life and never will. Only my God can do that.

Doubts like never before crowded in. Never. before. I thought it was hopeless and for at least three days it looked completely hopeless.

But it wasn't.

I was ignorant. I refused to believe the proof He gave me over and over. He would tell me one thing and I would say, "Yeah, but what about..." and completely go against that prayer I had just prayed.

But I serve the God who answers even His doubting child. I serve a God who listens to my cries and after I've realized how prideful and stupid I really was/am He comes and swoops me up.

Finally.

Finally.

So with a deleted Facebook and Twitter account, I have come back to my First Love. I have seen His blessings all around me and I have seen how easily fooled I was into thinking that they were not blessings, but rather burdens. Umm, hello? S-T-U-P-I-D.

Lord, keep Your silly, sometimes foolish, always needy servant in Your hands. Lord God, save us from our doubts, fears, and worries. Save us from ourselves. Move us into Your presence and away from things of this world. Renew our strength in You that You alone would be praised. Help us guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
                                                             Amen. Hallelujah!

A Cat, bird, and a revelation

There was a cat in my backyard earlier. They like to come and visit from time to time so I wasn't surprised to see him.

And neither was the sweet, happy bird in the tree.

That bird squawked and alerted every other bird in the area (and person for that matter) that there was a predator around and to be on guard. Then, the bird moved to a higher place.

I believe the LORD gave me a revelation with that little picture of a bird and cat.

When we see the Devil coming with his attacks, fairly often we just sit there (by we, I mean me, for certain). We don't fight back by sitting there, we need to alert everyone (including ourselves) that a predator is coming and we need to move to higher ground (a.k.a. GO TO THE LORD!).

It's easy to believe the lie that we're strong enough to handle the attacks because so-and-so super woman/Christian can handle it, but there are different triggers to sin for us than there may be for another. We need to remove those triggers from our lives and move as swift and as far away as possible from those triggers and keep moving towards the LORD.

So, what cats have been coming at you lately? Have you moved to higher ground and alerted yourself and others or are you sitting there waiting for the prey (Satan) to eat you?

Psalm 25:15,

"My eyes are ever on the Lord,
    for only he will release my feet from the snare."

Psalm 25:20,

"Guard my life and rescue me;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you."

Focus, knitting, and, Jesus.

For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter or Google+ (yo', people are on there! ;) ) I've been learning to knit. It's really fun, but super challenging.

Wanna know the one thing that makes it so challenging for me? Focus. You have to focus when you're knitting. You can't just stop looking at what you're doing and expect for it to come out right (at least not for us beginners). I learned that last night when I went off into la-la land and realized I'd made a mistake and had to start over.

Focus isn't just a precious tool to have when knitting. In our relationships with Christ it's just as important.

When we set our focus on anything other than Him and His eternal promises we stop listening to the truth and start listening to outside sources.

2 Corinthians 10:5, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (emphasis mine)

Taking every thought captive to Christ has been a battle I've decided to partake in lately. I didn't really want to before (Lord, forgive me.). I just thought my mind was just that- mine. But after He has shown me the importance of having a mind that loves Him and pleases Him and the importance of filling it up with truth, I've become committed to keeping my thoughts focused on Him. When they aren't on Him, I have the depressing thoughts, the insecurities, the fears, the pride. When they are focused on Him I know that all things are possible through Him.

So, where's your focus? What are you listening to? What are you setting your mind on?

If it's not Christ, it's not worthy to spend your life on. Let's focus on the eternal through His strength and let everything else be loss. Amen?

Even In The Dark

She practically ran to her room and collapsed on the floor. Physically, she felt fine. Mentally and emotionally she was a wreck.

It was a strange season she was in. Strange emotions, strange trials, strange failures. Life had thrown her a curve and she was positive she could handle it no longer.

Exasperated, she sobbed. Tears fell so fast and so hard. She watched them hit the floor and oddly enough (what other emotion would go with such a strange season?) she started to feel peace.

Yet as soon as the peace came, so did the anxiety... the fear. She started to sob again and then she prayed,

Lord, I'm tired. So tired. I can't run anymore. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what I should do. Open my eyes. Give me Yours. Help me to live like You desire. I'm afraid. Please take my fear. I can't do it, but I know, despite all of these hardships, that You can.

Tears began to fall again. Freeing tears. She wasn't afraid to let Him see them anymore. She was tired of hiding and tired of running away. She ran to Him. She let Him know her fears and her doubts and  He said the truth would set her free.

She was beginning to see how true that was. How true He is.

The doubts still linger and the fears still come from time to time. She's not out of the strange season, but she's seeking Him while there.

Even in the dark, He is light. Hold tight, y'all!

A Dream So Big - Book Review

I read for a day and put it up not to read it again until I had been through a discouraging week.

God knew I needed to read A Dream So Big. I needed the stories of hope, desperation, helplessness (which was actually filled with hope and help through Christ and His children).

I needed to be reminded that life is still not about me.

Steve Peifer takes us through a beautiful (though not always in the usual sense of the word) journey of his family and the tragedy that helped them see their future in Kenya.

I laughed a few times through this book, but I cried more and was convicted ever more than I cried. How often in America we forget how truly blessed we are and how we can use those resources to glorify God and help the least of these.

I could write a really long review about the stories I read that will break your heart or about the passion that God reminded me I have to do mission work all over the world (including the U.S. which is often neglected because people assume since we have so much poverty must not exist... well it does.), but I just really want to encourage you to pick up this book and read the stories for yourself. Allow God to let you feel the pain and then may we not numb ourselves to it, but let the Lord use it to propel us into great works for His kingdom and the lives of so many precious people on earth.

How about it? If you get this book please let me know how the Lord works in you and what you feel led to do afterwards.

I'm left with a sense of gratitude like never before thanks to the gentle reminders (and not so subtle ones)from the Lord and Steve. I'm truly thankful for that.

*Note: I received a free copy of this book for reviewing purposes by booksneeze.com

Read Daily

This has been a very rough week. I have been in tears for most of it, but I'm so thankful that the Lord is as gracious as He is and has stayed with me, encouraging me through all of it.

As a result, I wrote this which I will now read every day. I hope He uses these words to bless your soul.

--
Today I am a new person.
I do not look to myself for strength, but to my Savior.
I give my all to Him as He gives His all to me.
I find strength to say no to sin through Him.
I will trust Him despite my feelings.
I will rest in Him despite my struggles.
I will turn from sin and run (run!) to Him.
I will learn from Him and follow. (<~ reference to Matthew 11:28)
I will fail.
I will fall.
My Savior is still great even as I fail Him because who He is does not depend on me.
He is perfect and by His blood I'm covered. (PRAISE DANCE!! HALLELUJAH!)



What truths has the Lord given you this week? Would love to hear about them!

Pastor Saeed - Update And A Challenge

Saturday night he was heavy on my heart. Heavy. If you know me well then you know that this doesn't happen super often. It's not an everyday occurrence that I have a strong desire to pray for someone that simply won't go away.

But it happened Saturday night.
And Sunday night I read this.

Saeed Abedini. Brother in the Lord, prisoner in chains.

My nights have been filled with heartfelt, tear filled prayers. My days are filled with silent prayers and constant thoughts of him. I think of how he's doing, physically and spiritually, and what he's praying for right now. I also think of my other brothers and sisters in the Lord and how they often are not thought of, prayed for, or remembered as they should be.

We must change this.

So, I have a challenge for you. Please pray for one (or two or three...) persecuted Christians every day this week. Pray for Pastor Saeed and his family and his persecutors that they may come to know the Lord. Pray for strength and healing and his release. Pray for his family.

God bless you all.

"Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution." 2 Timothy 3:12

Are You A Follower?

Imagine this.

You've been friends with this person for YEARS. People even call y'all inseparable. You know each other so well you can finish each others sentences.You think you know everything about them.

But one day your friend is walking around town and you stop to say hey and then you get a funny look from them. They smile politely and keep going. You catch up and try to chat but they still keep brushing you off. Finally, you ask what the deal is and their response is:

"I don't know you."

You think it's a joke. Maybe a late April Fool's trick. But no. They're serious.

According to Matthew 7:23 something like this (this is just an example) will happen to many people who say they're Christians. They'll get to Heaven, see Jesus and ask Him why they aren't in Heaven and He'll tell them, "I never knew you."

Even now those words shake me to the core. I know I'm saved by faith alone in and through Christ alone. That's not what gets me. What gets to me is how easy it is to fall away from Him. To be enticed by sin and to completely stray, possibly never coming back to the Father. That's scary.

I read a blog post the other day from a young woman who talked about how God rocked her heart by showing her that she's been doing all the right "Christian things", but she hasn't really been seeking His heart- who He is.

I was instantly convicted. Have I not also gotten caught up in the outward appearance while neglecting to seek Him and who He is? Have I not taken on the role of a Pharisee at some point in my life? Have I not learned to say the right things while believing the wrong ones?

Sorry if this is too real for you. It's what He's doing in my heart right now.

I want to be His true follower. Following His leading wherever, whenever, whatever. Trusting and obeying Him. This is not to earn my salvation (legalism) this is to follow Him because I love Him.

Are you a follower of Christ Jesus? What keeps you from following Him? Will you let it go today?

"From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” - Matthew 4:17

Grace In The Boston Bombings - Monday Reflections

It can be hard to search for grace in the Boston bombings. It's hard not to be so upset by what we've seen that we get angry at God for allowing it. But His tender hand of mercy was there. Despite the two suspects attempts at paralyzing a city, God was there. And is using many people to remind us of the things that truly matter. Here are some things that I saw God's grace in...

• The police caught the second suspect.
• Though many were injured and their lives will be forever changed, only 4 people died and God is using the story of their lives to wake people up to His presence.
• Answers are slowly coming.
• The little boy that died reminded us all of peace and now he's resting in perfect peace with our Father.
• The effort of the police was phenomenal and in their quick acts they were able to catch the suspects in a very small amount of time (tell me you don't see grace in that!).
• People were drawn to help others who were hurt (selfless love) instead of simply running to protect themselves. (I might add that the acts of people like this courageous man have caused me to question how selflessly I'm loving right now. Amazing.)

Those are just a few things. I'm sure there are countless other things to be thankful for. I want to add that I am in no way saying we should "get over it" and move on, forgetting everything that has happened. There are many people wounded physically and mentally and emotionally and they will need months to heal from this. And God allows that. We must continue to pray for them. We also must see His presence in this.

God does not leave His people. He pursues us. He is with us now. Thank You, Lord, for that.

What are some ways you saw grace after the Boston terrorist attacks?

Humble Orthodoxy - Book Review

 

I never knew 61 pages could be so good and powerful until I read through this book.

Joshua Harris gives a good, swift kick with, 'Humble Orthodoxy: Holding the Truth High Without Putting People Down'. 

 

With lines like,

"The error and sin of others never give me license to ignore the Word of God. Even when people in our culture are sinning, slandering, and tearing down truth, I have no excuse for ignoring God's commands."

 

and

 

"Orthodoxy shouldn't be a club to attack someone else. It should be a double-edged sword that starts by piercing our hearts, laying them bare before God so that we can say, "Forgive us, Lord."

 

He definitely has a very well thought out, very much needed message for today's Christians.

 

I can tell you that I needed this book a lot. I've gone through a "cage stage" before (read the book and you'll know what I'm talking about ;) ) and God used that time to humble me. He's shown me that while it's important to know truth, it's also important to remain humble as we seek to apply it.

 

I would encourage Christians of all ages to read this book, but not just read it. Seek to apply the wisdom God gives through it. Let's live humbly in truth with "a tear in our eyes".

 

*Note: this book was given to me for free by Waterbrook Multnomah for reviewing purposes.